By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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