I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
