She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
