I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
