Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
