The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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