do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
