which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
