Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
