two words: eviction party
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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