No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He felt like a one man threesome
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
