pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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