Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
