I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
