can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
