Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
