this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize