Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
