you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
