i permit you to call me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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