This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
