i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
