Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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