Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
