i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
