hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
