I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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