Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize