guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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