So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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