i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
