Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
