so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just found a bag of teeth...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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