If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize