Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
