I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
