all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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