What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
