haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
