Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
