I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
