He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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