It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i permit you to call me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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