Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
