Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
