Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
