He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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