Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
