so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
