How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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