you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
