dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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