what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Drunk is a universal language darling
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