Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
