I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize