She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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