My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
