He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
