my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
