They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
