why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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