When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
