Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
