You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
