im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
