i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize