when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
