I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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