So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
