I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
